sentosa(:

it's heart wrenching that this is happening
it's painful to be so helpless
it's hurting to know that this is actually happening
the feeling of helplessness just feel like SHIT
totally feel like shit
perhaps I will pray every night for the better of us.
may god bless me.

On a side note, today sentosa trip was not bad. Had my first experience on a hammock! Quite cool! Sun is a killer today! And for the second time yet the first time to run under the HOT KILLER SUN (around 12-1pm) to run in Sentosa. I thought only me and my friend are the only kuku who ran in sentosa then I realised actually quite alot of ppl ran in Sentosa, at that freaking weird hours. Running under the hot sun is damn shiok, but slopes are almost everywhere in Sentosa. OMG, i just feel that my thighs got bigger by one inch =(( But after running is goood, for that half hour plus I can just put aside all the random stuffs. Nothing but think of how to endure through all the slopes and endure through under the hot sun. Totally madness!
Crap talk laugh joke drink beer eat sleep tanned volleyball camwhore are what we did for the whole afternoon. At least this is a grp of friends I know will make my SIM life less boring. After exams might seem to be a good thing, but come to think of it now, being jobless or not having a properly well-paid job is saddening. I need to have a change of job but what part time job can I take up or perhaps a temp full time job?

3 days ago, I have stomach flu or food poisioning. It was so bad that I have to rest for 1 hour during work because I have to hold on to my stomach even while walking to compress the pain. And stupid manager on that shift is a !@#@$%^ . Dont like dont like! I still like Uncle Sam and Uncle Donald =(( Too many rules and regulations. Where is the fun loving working environment I used to enjoy? It's changing so fast that I cant catch up with the pace, that I feel restricted and bounded by their house rules. It has always been the people that I stayed on and even till now, it is still the people that I stayed on. It has never been other factors and now that all the happening people are leaving one by one, I lost the purpose to look forward to every working slot. Yet I know I have to work because I still love the place, I still love the working there. Despite the inaccessiablility, it has become a routine that I have to climb the bloody hill(esp when im late), I have to take 2 transports, I still wanna work at bnj. For the people I still wanna work with, I'm staying.

Got addicted to another habit is online reading. from website where people write their stories and post there. This holidays I will try to do as much things as possible. Maybe I will take up tuition. Primary sch this time. lol. Running is a must to do for everyday morning or night. Not to train for Sundown which is next sat, but to achieve my ideal weight ( actually by the end of this month). At least last time still have studies to preoccupy my mind and stop thinking about food. Now got... nothing. And temptation is everywhere. Fast food is one thing I will stop eating. Today shall be the last day. hahah, shit.

we are all selfish creatures
but please,
dont reveal too much of that side of you.
because it is too much to handle.

declared freedom!

Finally I announced the END OF EXAMS
So happy because there's many things I can do:
- to recuperate ( have been lacking of sleep for the past few days ) imagine to sleep only 3-6 hours for 3-4 consequence days. Perhaps my worst day was to study overnight at 24-hours Mac. Having to be disturbed by irritating flies in the early morning. Bet the staffs at Macs think how can a one girl study overnight till 7am in the morning. Not only that, constant waking up at 4am was totally draining. Hate coffee (not to say those frappucino at Starbucks; it's diff), but it's a must to have during these periods. I swear I have never studied this hard b4 in my life.

But having said that, I think out of 4 papers I screwed 3. Totally demoralising =(( Everyday complained to Bing and only the last day then he gave the most encouraging words-.- Sigh, come to think of studies I feel like shit. Actually this exam is rather ok in general but I know I have screwed up some. I just feel dui dui dui and more dui. Till then, I'm hoping to have a pass for all the subjects. Though the passing marks are 34, it's just DAMN freaking hard to get even 20 marks. =((( May god bless serene please.

The few days of hardcore studying was actually quite interesting too. Make a few nice and fun friends. At least make my sim life not that boring, for now. Having to think that they are actually my POA classmates and didnt really talk so much until we started to study tog then so many shits come out from them. Used to see alexis and fiona almost everyday for studies, then till nearing the exams, see the few of them everyday-.- at least, they helped me with all the studies, despite all the nonsenses.

Throwing studies aside, let's talk about sth nice.
8May: Ray's graduation dinner. A quite happening and interesting dinner. When guys come tog, they are nothing but just full of shit and nonsense. The cam-whoring( not for the girls, for once!), the various stupid performance they have. Dinner was held at Marina Mandarin, and turned out that everyone dressed till quite casually. Anyw, their presentation for the 1st course is damn cute! The waiters actually danced on the stage! DAMN FUNNY! Come to think of those days that I worked in Meritus Mandarin, there was no such shit. Thank god im no longer working there. LOL. Many many interesting programmes lasted through the night, till when 1130 have passed then I realised oh it's that late! oh Morgan and Amelia got the Ms and Mr Glamourous for the night! Congrats! :D
The lucky draw part is interesting because some people get the most randomest things home. Like the brush that used to wash toilet bowl, color pencils, 2 packets of maggie mee and plastic bag. HAHA, and ray got color pencils =X but good thing is that because of this, he got the ultimate prize :DD Indeed a lucky ass! And the dressing up of the guys. So hilarous! Then the drinking competition, till one of them vomit. I pity the Marina Mandarin staffs :/ The night don't end just here. They wanted to go club. Though i was abit reluctant cause IM STILL HAVING MY EXAMS. Even Amelia went so I shall not be wet blanket. Only when I reached Rebel, then I realised I got no IC NO identification AT ALL. Started to panic, trying to borrow pple's driving license. But luckily, there was this guy in front of me got some problems with the bouncers and with the help of the guys, I got in! Haha, it's kinda weird cause all are couples. and cant imagine I paid 25bucks for just 1 hour of club. cuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..



Poor guy who vomit. but more sympathy to the marina mandarin staffs.



boys turning to become men


See that horse thingy, I asked Bing to take out and tried to eat. But apparently it was stuck to the base. It's a jelly thingy, and kinda gross.


stupid boy getting high, after the drinking session. tsktsktskkk.



Haven't been working for 2 months and finally im back to working on friday. The feeeling is quite different because so many people are leaving. Even Uncle Donald is leaving sooon =((( First is Uncle Sam, now is Uncle Donald. The 2 dearest managers I respected most and love most are leaving. Sigh..though exams are over and im expecting to work as much as possible. Apparently all the other unis have ended theirs too and I got no much work slot. So to work enough to go overseas nxt year?!?! =((

Went clubbing on fri. Crowds suck TOTALLY! just 1@#$%^&% throughout the night. Saw many familiar faces, yea the whole world goes phuture. It's time to explore other clubs. Maybe in june when I got my pay. Now the economic situation is so bad, getting a job is hard.

On the randomest things:
Firstly,what kind of person are you? Based on the personality test, then from there analyse it. From this point you manger your anger and to deal with people.

Secondly, a qns for all to think about it. Do what extent is FULL honesty is necessary in a r/s? Yes honest is good but in some point during the r/s, white lies do occur and that defeats the aims of having full honesty. Yet white lies are said so as to not make the other party angry or sad. But again, why do it in the first place when you know it's not right?

Thirdly, to what extent do you believe in horoscope? Usually those website that describe oneself, can be just a brief description yet did not go into details of how much it can describe one inner self. Or maybe the observations of others of your own horoscope can help to understand your horoscope well? But then again, this is subjective. It's not that I'm a horoscope believer ( would like to know more but won't exactly believe in it ). How is Pisces supposed to be? I know of some common traits when comparing friends of the same horoscope. and it surprised me somehow of some things I happened to know. for what I know of, pisces can be appreciative to some extent. and because of that, I started to doubt that point. Once used to be such person, perhaps in between many things happened without us knowing. But all in all, this shouldn't be happening. I'm starting to doubt the sincereness, or should I say escapist is the word for you.

Fourth, friends come and go; go and come. Whom I thought are nice, eventually have a bad point about them. When the incidents happened have to be so similar, and that really pissed me off. I valued long years of relationship more than anything, of cause those that worth to be valued. Selene, Jy, Ahmad, and Bing are someone I know we will stay together for life. People I kept doubly close to my heart. Though not as close and sticky like glue, they are still the one who understand one another best. Same goes for Monsters. Been through ups and downs, whatever that have happened had happened or still happening, it doesn't matter. We are still here for one another. Maybe in a few more years time, if monsters still be playing under Monsters, I think people might think that we are a grp of old shits acting young. HAHA because of the name. Well, the younger gen won't know about the process we might have been through. Hahaha, I think i have think rather far for now.

Fifth: is to not judge someone by his/her past. Maybe not to the extent of judge, it's too heavily used on. This is something I'm trying to not do, but it's hard. It's hard to accept someone whom I don't know his past and background. I believe strongly in trust and because of that, trust is much easier to build when background is known and therefore foundation is much easier to build. Trust is hard to build, not just some words 'i love you' 'you love me' will be enough to make the relationship last. How long do you think u can 'wait' for this person who might or might not be your one. It's silly to wait for someone who is attached especially. And it's more sillier to say that he/she will sees the effort that u have been putting in for him/her so he/she will goes to you. Craps, and there's true stories whereby this guy wait for this girl, till she got married. and hence waste his youth time where he could have gone to search for better girls.

and to Alexis and Fiona: ENDURE ABIT MORE FOR UR LAST PAPER! Then after that we can go havoc in any shape size direction way! hahaha, jia you!

fly high

went for second round of indoor tanning. SHIOK!
Cause supposed to go swimming and tan but no sun! TSK, and also no more buying of foot massager, so got $$ to buy phone. SIGH, after all my bday present is my nxt phone.

Ok, I think i'm getting HTC cruise. Wanted E75 so badly even before it launched! but now that it has launched, kinda disappointed by the functions. Like not very impressive =( Oh well, life sucks. never being perfect.

omg, counting down to exactly one week to my FIRST paper! so so excited! nervous cause I feel I haven't studied enough. (anyw where on earth would anyone say that they have studied enough?!?!)

Lastly, I cant wait for after exams, so many things need to do. First thing to do, FULL BODY CHECK UP! damn scared I kana cancer! omgg *choy* sounds abit auntie but aiya, for safety purposes, don careeee.

Another goal to be achieved before I die: TO GO FOR SKY DIVING!!!

lacking of brain cells

I swear my brain cells are malfunctioning nowadays. They are not as efficient as they used to be. Everyday wake up when the clock strikes 7 in the morning, and having to sleep only after 12-1am or beyond, how to have sufficient rest?

Sometimes I am quite amazed by how human bodies work. Maybe Im not a science person so the mechanisms and the functions of a human body seems alien to me. I mean to knowing why this and that would happen to different gender. Like the very basic, why woman has to have periods and why do men have to have wet dreams and why blood types play an important part in designing an effective dieting plan etc. The whole list goes on and on and on. After exams, I'm going to do some research on all these online when I have the time.

Someone popped this question to me few days ago. 'is it possible for a girl and a guy be really close friends in long terms?' Those really close friends to share joys and woe with, and with no sexual thoughts at all. I think about it for a long time cause I realised I used to have 2 of such friends but end up, one became someone I fall for unknowingly and another one is my boyfriend, Bing. Some of whom I have asked for opinions agreed that it's possible to do so. This kind of friendship is hard to come by and I hope I have one of such too =/ Haha, well very much it depends on how the other party treats you as or look upon to you as. 'A-sexual'. I got a strong feeling that this is the wrong spelling =X Termed by selene and this is what I learnt and hopefully I said it correctly, that they might not look upon you as the opposite sex but on a neutral ground where they see you as a 'gender-less friend'. Like those buddy-buddy kind of friends counted? Having to fall for Bing is also unknowingly, my heart just tells me to go for it and yes I did. Come to think of it now, the thought of being together with him has never crossed my mind when we were in Secondary school. Maybe it happened when I was at my lowest during and after the O's and only Selene and Bing see me through those times.

How important is money to you? Yes, money is the root of all evils yet we need IT badly to survive. We make financial plans for the futures but how often do these plans work? Before a marriage, every couple will try to have a financial plan for their future but how often does it work especially the economics now is crazily changing. And also how many more young couples are there to support themselves without having to depend on parents? How many more families I have see to have splitted due to financial problems? That's why careers mean so important to me. A stable career with a stable income is so important. Of cause that have to be a long term. Yet now we don't even know whether we can secure any job given the current situation.

Perhaps I need to consider the current situation and stop being stubborn thinking that what will become of our lives by the age of 45. Given that economic is not doing well and it's still too early to say and that he does has a stable income now, have already promised a relatively good future. We are all humans and sometimes we could be blinded by love or money. I don't deny money is the main factor. However I did thought of what if somewhere during the process something bad happened(CHOY!), I will still hold onto whatever I have and make the best out of it. At least, that's the only thing I can do right.


We live only once; so try to make the best out of it. It's hard to be an angel and devil at the same time. It's hard to weigh the pros and cons equally on the scale. Cause ultimately one side of the scale will indicates that it is heavier. YET, sometimes being a neutral party will shows the ugly side of you, especially if failed to handle the situation well and people will mistaken as two-faced. Sigh, humans are troublesome. Yea I am troublesome too. Maybe some of the white hairs on Bing's head is because of a troublesome gf( I bet he agrees to this too! )

'Smile all problems away', that's what I used to do when I feel sad. Faking a smile does help in lifting up your mood by a little. Rather than frowning and create more wrinkles for your face, why not smile and tell yourself that you live for yourself, and other more people who love and care for you. There might have one thing to end your sad/groomy/grumpy day, is to think of the one happy thing that happened on that particular day. Laugh about it before you went to sleep. At least this will end your day happily. Don't tell me there's not even one happy thing happen on that day. If really so, then I've nothing much to say.

Laughing is contagious and smiles make one's day happier.

Cause my mum just told me that many people will die in the year 2012 because of the ozone layer issue, which she didn't specified. So if you think that you are going to die early, please do something productive to the world now. Because I do believe KARMA STRIKES!

Aims for this coming year:
- to be able to go JB for speeding
- to have a mini getaway with Selene (:
- to have another getaway with Monsters
- to save to this $XX amt by sept
- to be able to learn driving by then (time and $$$ constraint, sigh)
- hong kong possible?
- to strike a 4D! HAHA
- to watch a R21 show. HAHA doesnt need to be those nudity. but seems like most of them are, not like I watched R21 HORROR movies. =X
- to go into a casino with the legal age of 21!
- to have sufficient money to go for luxury SPA!
- to be able to reach my ideal weight!!!
- lastly, to pass my upcoming exams! *I pray I hope I wish*

Aim for the rest of my life:
- TO GO EGYPT AND SEE THE 3 DAMN PYRAMIDS.

random life

a 'hey'
a 'hello'

to open up a conversation box,
and here we are talking once again.
I'm glad,
I'm thankful
I'm happy

fighting for your own happiness is what others used to say
what if, it's fighting TOO hard for your happiness
wouldn't it be contradicting to the first sentence,
cause how we determine the degree of 'too hard'

anyway, on a random note
human is selfish, by individually
you are selfish; i am selfish too
actually whatever things, every words that we do or said, are usually for the interest of self
usually done on a unintentionally way and actually it is a harmless selfishness.
and that's why compromises and forgiving come into the picture.
And because humans are granted with such humanity feel and sympathy.

also, on a super super random note,
I told myself that from the moment this blog is set up,
I must type in proper English.
no more of using words to form unreadable sentences.
I will try to improve on that though i cant guarantee.
I swear English is still a DIFFICULT subject for me to handle, Math can second to that.

SLEEPING TIME!

oh oh oh, before I end this entry i got sth to say!
I JUST WENT FOR INDOOR TANNING! AND IT'S SUPER SUPER COOOL
kinda confined in the cylinder-looking machine and stand there for 11mins and im equally to as tanned as if i were to be out under the sun for 3 hours. I'm actually quite scared when I'm inside the machine, because of the fear for enclosed space. But I told myself time will pass very fast, and because I need to get myself tanned, and so think think think, 11mins passed! After this experience, I don't mind a second time! (((: HEHE

Ok, SLEEPNG TIME!

competition has just come to an end.
we got 2nd, though no more of the bigbig trophy,
a silver medal ain't that bad given the effort put in.

studying is always tiring and forever tiring.
think of sch work while eating, think of sch work while bathing, think of sch work while sleeping, think of sch work while playing mj on ITouch..
tired tired tired..

i cant think further, that's an indication that I should go sleep. goodbye to books for noww. thanks god.

ups and downs

Whenever I did my morning runs or evening runs in the park, I would see children playing at the playground. Their lives are so carefree and worries-free. They have nothing much to worry about even when the world falls on them, they have parents to shelter them and support them. Even when they fell down from the swings, immediately parents will come running to them with tissues and water.

Kids are so naive yet adorable. It doesn't matter how naughty how mischievous how irritating annoying they can be, they are still kids. Every kid has his/her piece of fun before he/she grows up and starts to rmb what he/she did in the past. These are memories, and I do think of them, trying to revive the feeling back then. Totally childish, totally wth, totally silly, sometimes totally wtf?



Hahah, seeing this I dont deny I used to do that =/ but not when I was that young but at the age of 16? Still those were the days. I think running helps to sort out some of the random thoughts. And I didnt realised AMK can be so huge that every running is a new discovery ((:
Cant wait for tml or friday, cause he's booooking out! LIKE FINALLY!!

no rules, no rights ----

2 bday parties during the weekend. But I DONT HAVE ALEXIS'S BDAY PARTY ONEEE!!
Anyway random msgs/calls/photos + ice cream make me happy. - when the going gets tough, the tough gets going!

when hopes are dashed,
I hold on to the hope that still exist around me.

I cant help but think...

I cant help but think of the worstcasescenario.
I cant help but think of the ugly side of you.
I cant help but think of what's going to happen in 2 more days time.
I cant help but think of what will I become of in 3 weeks time.
I cant help but think of how will I do for exams that coming in 1 month time.
I cant help but think of what will become of us in the future.
I cant help but think of who we are when we were that young.
I cant help but think of the happy moments we used to have, like nobody business.
I cant help but think of that expression on each of our faces when that goal was scored.
.
.
.
I cant help but think of you every night before I sleep.
I cant help but think of simple love as it comforts my heart before I sleep.
I cant help but think of the life we MIGHT be leading in the near future.
I cant help but think of the bad side of life.
I cant help but think of you, hoping that you are right here with me now.
.
.
.
I cant help but think, oh no this is how badly I need you right now......